well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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