and you said cock pushups were impossible
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
