Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
