worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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