If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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