When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize