Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
