He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
