Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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