I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
