I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
