New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
