Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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