Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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