so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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