He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
