im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
