forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
