my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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