Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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