If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
