the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
