i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
