So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
