just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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