i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i think i just lost a toe
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
