Taylor Swift is so right about you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize