so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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