my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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