Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
