Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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