I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
