Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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