I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
