hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
