girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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