I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
