I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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