i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
