We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
