Jerry, you need to find god
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize