piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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