dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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