He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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