If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
