I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
