trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
