I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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