Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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