I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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