i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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