im drinking this country out of the recession.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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