After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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