just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize