Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
