i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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