I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
