we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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