Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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