The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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