You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
