I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have post one night stand depression
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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