I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
