There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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