I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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