Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
