I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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