I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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