She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
