Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
