I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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