i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
