This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
